Choices
by loobeyloo
Summary: Following on from the first season finale, To Snare A Wolf, we get an insight into Tony Donatelli's thoughts about her future and her meeting with Stringfellow Hawke and Dominic Santini.


_**Airwolf.**_

_**Choices.**_

_Choices is an original story, inspired by the U.S. T.V. series AIRWOLF._

_Copyright refers to the author of this original material, and is not meant to supersede any copyrights held by Donald P Bellisario or any other persons or corporations holding rights to the television series AIRWOLF and its characters._

**_Set after the first season finale episode, To Snare A Wolf, Tony Donatelli has a big decision to make about her future and here we get an insight into her thoughts and feelings about her meeting with Stringfellow Hawke and Dominic Santini._**

"So, have you given any thought as to what you're going to do?" Stringfellow Hawke's dulcet tones wafted across the porch on the chill evening breeze, surprising Toni Donatelli, as she had thought that she was alone.

The government man, Archangel, or Michael as the other's had called him, and his beautiful, exotic, dusky skinned assistant, Marella, had taken their leave a little while ago, after partaking of an impromptu and leisurely dinner, and Dominic Santini had settled himself on the couch, with Hawke's drowsy dog, Tet, at his feet.

Hawke himself, having refused her offer to lend him a hand, had been clearing away the debris of the meal and washing the dishes and glasses in the small kitchen nook, and suddenly feeling a bit like a third wheel on a bicycle, Toni Donatelli had slipped away, seeking a little solitude and some fresh air.

The April evening was chilly, but the sky was a vast cloudless canopy of midnight blue covered with millions of brightly twinkling stars, so close she felt that if she reached out she could touch them, the same feeling she got in the open cockpit of her old Steerman when flying at night, and the moon was full, huge and shining like a brand new dime, sending out ghostly silver beams of light to dance on the choppy waters of Eagle Lake.

Aside from the whispering of the breeze, carrying the fresh scent of pine and greenery as it tickled the boughs of the nearby trees, the occasional hoot of a lonesome old owl, and the full throated howl of a lone wolf far away in the distance, the night was quiet, and Toni had found herself thinking that she could better understand now why Stringfellow Hawke preferred to spend so much of his time up here.

There was something so soothing about the place. The sheer size of the mountains and the lake quickly helped one to put things into perspective, she had had to admit to herself.

Against this magnificent backdrop one quickly came to see just how small and inconsequential one was in the grand scheme of things.

Toni had been standing on the porch for a while, leaning against the gnarled, weathered old railing, lost in silent contemplation, vaguely aware of the unfamiliar piece of cello music coming from Hawke's stereo and the clatter of crockery and cutlery being washed and dried and put away, thinking about how breathtakingly beautiful it was up here and just how much she envied Stringfellow Hawke all this splendor and tranquility and that the place really did have a strange effect, soothing the soul.

However, deep down in her heart, Toni knew that for her, pretty soon the novelty would wear off and she would go out of her mind with nothing but this still quietness closing in around her.

She was a people person, needing to interact with other members of the human race, and as she had gazed forlornly out at the magnificent scenery of the mountains, Toni Donatelli had quickly realized that you certainly could have too much of a good thing.

"You know, if you take either one of them up on their offer, you won't have to worry about being pawed," Hawke drawled, as he walked out of the shadows and in two short strides was standing beside her at the rail.

"Now that's music to my ears," Toni chuckled softly, not turning her head to look at her host. She still wasn't sure what he thought of her, but she was aware that his first impressions of her had not been good.

Of course, it was partly her own fault.

She had a vivacious personality and big mouth, a sense of humor that not everyone appreciated straight off, and she just didn't know when to back off.

In fact, she would go so far as to say that she was an acquired taste, and Hawke had not found her to his palate.

Still, he wasn't anything to write home about either!

His cold, judgmental eyes and perpetual scowl had made her feel like she was something nasty that he was looking at under a microscope, and although now she understood his suspicion and wariness, at the time it had made her wonder if he was one of those men who hated women and their intrusion into his perfect macho world.

It was, she had since learned, just a case of bad timing.

Very bad timing.

Hawke would have been suspicious and distrustful of anyone new turning up suddenly in his life right now, and it hadn't helped that she hadn't been exactly honest with either him or Dominic Santini.

Stringfellow Hawke was a very astute man, and he had picked up on it right away.

All she had wanted was a chance to get close to Santini so that she could show him what she could do, as a pilot, in the hopes that he would offer her a job.

Flying was her life, her Steerman her only real home, but flying with the small commercial airline had done nothing to satisfy her and the fact that being trapped in the cockpit with male pilots who thought that gave them the right to hit on her, hadn't made the job any easier to bear, especially when she didn't appreciate their advances and they had found it necessary to go crying to the top brass complaining that she was a lousy pilot and difficult to work with when her refusal to co-operate had dented their over inflated egos.

For a while now, she had been desperate to get out and try something different, and Santini Air with its charter flights and its movie and television stunt work had seemed like just the ticket.

She had hoped to combine her love of flying, and writing, and maybe catch a break in Hollywood, but every time she had tried to make contact with Dominic Santini to ask about work, she had been fobbed off by the studios saying they didn't take messages for Santini Air, and there was never anyone at the hangar to answer the phone.

She hated talking to answering machines, becoming tongue tied for one of the few times in her life, or rambling on about anything and everything, waffling nervously, so when it was something as important as her future career that was at stake, she had much preferred to talk to her future boss face to face.

Of course, she hadn't been aware of the sinister going's on in Hawke's little world at the time, that she had walked right into one of the most threatening and dangerous situations he personally had encountered in recent years, or else she might just have been a little more tactful and circumspect.

Now, she knew that he had accepted that she had not been involved in that threat to his peaceful existence and his liberty, but she still didn't know what he really thought of her, and what his feelings were, if she chose to take up Dominic Santini on his job offer and they found themselves having to work together at Santini Air.

She also still had no idea what to make of Hawke himself.

At first, she had found his abrasive attitude hard to swallow.

He was something of a conundrum.

He could be so cold and calculating and insensitive one minute, then utterly and devastatingly charming and beguiling and endearing the next. His scowl could curdle milk, but when he smiled, it was so completely and utterly unexpected it took her very breath away.

One thing she was very clear about.

Stringfellow Hawke loved Dominic Santini with a fierce devotion, and seemed to think it was his God given right to protect him, and heaven help anyone who appeared to be a threat to his friend and mentor.

As yet, Toni didn't know if she could face dealing with Hawke every day, or if she would find his changeable moods and constantly having to stay on his good side and appease him just as tedious as all those wandering palms and busy fingers that she was currently fending off.

But there was another altogether more unsettling reason.

"Look," Hawke began somewhat shyly as he emitted a long, deep sigh.

"Toni," she turned her head to regard him warily. "Toni," she repeated when she saw the questioning look on his face, and the glitter in his eyes.

"It's my name," she reminded him, recalling that even though he had welcomed her back into his home as a guest, and made her feel as welcome as he knew how, he had never once called her by her first name, preferring instead to keep using 'Ms Donatelli', which had rankled, because she wasn't a Mizz anything, and, she realized now from the look on his face that he had not expected and did not appreciate being interrupted.

"Ok, Toni," Hawke growled gruffly, almost as though through clenched teeth, she found herself thinking, as he maintained a steady gaze on her face as he did so.

However, the next thing he said surprised her.

"I guess I owe you an apology. I had you all wrong," Hawke again emitted a deep sigh, but his eyes did not leave her face, which was illuminated by a thin sliver of silver moonlight on one side and the yellow light cast by the electric lighting coming from the cabin on the other.

Well, at least he was man enough to admit that he had been wrong about her. That was a start, Toni conceded silently. Most of the guys she had known, either romantically or in her working life, hadn't had the chutzpah to admit when they were at fault or in the wrong, so he was way ahead of them already, in her book.

"You had your reasons."

"Yeah."

"I guess it's kind of a habit. Always having to be so damned suspicious about everyone, always looking over your shoulder, always thinking the worst …."

"I said I was sorry," Hawke grunted in irritation. "What more do you want?"

"Well a smile would do for starters! Toni grinned. "Man, you have no idea what a difference that makes. Mean and moody is good, really, and you have it down to a fine art," she grinned cheekily at him as she paused to draw in a quick breath, but before he could open his mouth to speak, added; "But that smile of yours eclipses the sun," she regarded him with a softer, gentle expression on her face. "Not everyone is a spy, and not everyone is out to get you, you know."

"Trouble is, you can't always tell the good guys from the bad guys," Hawke responded breathily in low, gravel tones.

"Sure you can. The good guys wear white hats," Toni chuckled and Hawke realized that she had been talking with Archangel.

"Ah, so that's where I've been going wrong. If you want to get ahead, get a hat," he grinned back at her then, and that simple gesture completely transformed his face from handsome to bone meltingly beautiful.

"Now there you go. See, you can do it, when you try," Toni found herself reaching out with tentative fingers to lightly trace the outline of his strong, arrogant jaw and was pleasantly surprised when he did not retreat from her touch.

However, as the silence lengthened between them, Toni found herself growing self conscious and a little embarrassed by the gesture and allowed her hand to drop from his face.

"So?" Hawke prompted at last.

"Huh?"

"The job? Have you thought about which offer you will take?"

Toni let out a long, deep sigh and turned her head away from him, fixing her eyes on the darkness, which was almost total beyond the reach of the pool of soft yellow light emanating from the cabin.

"I'm not sure yet. I'm not used to being this popular."

"It's good to have choices," Hawke pointed out softly.

"I don't know about that," Toni responded, turning back to face him. "What if you make the wrong choice?"

"Then other choices come along."

"And if they don't?"

"Then I guess you have to live with it and make the best of it that you can."

"Is that what you do?"

Stringfellow Hawke ignored the question and turning himself around, leaned his back against the railing, tipping his head back slightly so that he could look directly up into the star spangled night sky.

"Which would be the right choice for you?" Toni asked now.

"I'm not trying to influence your decision," Hawke whipped his head around to face her, another one of those glacial scowls on his face now. "Dom runs Santini Air, and he figures he can find enough work for you, or he wouldn't have made the offer. He would never string you along, **_Ms Donatelli."_**

"Even so, that's got to affect you, **_Mr Hawke_**," Toni regarded him with steady eyes, unaffected by his obvious irritation. "I wouldn't want to put you out of a job."

"You wouldn't be," Hawke assured gruffly. "I help Dom out when he needs it, but that's all. If that's all that's stopping you …."

"It isn't," she cut him off. "I get the feeling that you don't like me," she quirked an eyebrow, challenging him to deny it whilst cursing herself for a fool at the same time. What was the point of antagonizing him? It certainly wasn't going to endear her to him!

However, she really needed to know what was going on inside his head, and to be sure that she wasn't mistaken about his feelings.

"What gave you that impression?" Hawke regarded her with genuine surprise now, a look of hurt and confusion clouding his handsome features, and suddenly, Tony Donatelli found herself throwing her head back and laughing out loud.

"Oh boy, if that's the way you treat the people you like, I'd hate to see how you treat the people you don't!" she roared, tears of mirth gathering in her eyes as she watched the pained, exasperated expression on Hawke's face now.

"But I forgot. I already did! I guess I should count myself lucky I'm not looking down the throat of that monster warchopper of yours!"

"Then I guess I owe you another apology," Hawke snapped. "I didn't mean to appear rude."

Something in his tone of voice now, something akin to genuine hurt, made Toni quickly pull herself together.

"I'm sorry," she fixed him with appealing eyes. "Maybe I got the wrong idea," she conceded. "I know I can be kind of hard to take, sometimes."

Toni found herself reaching out for his hand now, as she gazed deeply into his eyes, trying to work out what was going on behind them, what he was thinking, feeling, because she really needed to know, but she did not have a clue.

"Look, I know you had your problems, and you were looking out for Dominic too, making sure I wasn't some kind of gold digger or con artist, and I think that's great. He's a nice old guy, maybe too nice and too soft for his own good, so it's good that he has you watching out for him, but all I ever wanted was a chance to prove myself as a pilot in the hope that he might offer me a job."

"And now you've gotten what you wanted?"

"I don't know," she told him honestly. "But I sure hate the idea that I'd be stepping on your toes."

"You wouldn't be," Hawke again assured.

"But you still don't like the idea of my being around, do you?"

"I have no feelings about it, either way."

"Liar," Toni breathed the word, loosing his hand to once again lift it to cup his face. "Things would change, and you can deny it all you like, Hawke, but you would still feel like I was intruding on your time with Dom, coming between you, and Dom and this place really are all you have that you care about, aren't they?"

"No. There are other things," Hawke growled breathily, but he couldn't help thinking that she was pretty darned close to the truth. Only Sinjin, and possibly Airwolf were as important, beyond that, nothing else mattered to him.

However, as he stood there, the warmth of her hand caressing his cheek sending a delicious little tingle down his spine, Hawke became aware of something else as he gazed into her deep, dark eyes.

"I guess the truth is, Hawke," she spoke in a low, throbbing voice, her eyes never leaving his face, one last errant tear trickling down her cheek and glistening in the moonlight as she drew in an unsteady breath. "I have a much bigger problem. I like you," she confessed raggedly.

"I mean, I _**really**_ like you," she clarified. "And if I stick around, I know that's only going to get me into trouble. Underneath all that ice and anger there is a really nice guy trying to get out, but I don't think I'm the gal to melt that ice, am I?" Hawke remained silent, but she could see the barriers coming down behind his eyes.

Something about his whole manner since she had met him had warned her that he had been deeply hurt some where in his past, and he had gotten so used to guarding himself and protecting himself from hurt, he found it hard to let anyone in, even just a little.

Oh yes, he was very attractive, and very appealing once you got past the ice berg exterior, but she suspected that he was always going to be far too much work emotionally, for little reward.

"And I don't think I can be around you, growing to like you, and care about you more every day, and get nothing back. In fact, I'm thinking of adding a line to my resume, 'Doesn't do unrequited love!" she gave him a small, lopsided grin and allowed her hand to drop from his face once more.

"I know **_me_**, Hawke. I know I wouldn't be able to stop myself from falling for you, and I know that I'd only be making myself miserable, and then that would make everyone around me miserable. Better all around to just not go there," she smiled weakly up at him now.

"It's such a pity, but the truth is, right now, you can't give me what I need, and you won't let me in close enough to give you what you need, and I don't have time to wait around for you to be ready. I'm not getting any younger. All this grey in my hair is for real, ya know, not out of a bottle," she gave a soft, self deprecating laugh now, and realized that not once had he denied any of what she had said, silently standing there looking down into her face with a passive expression his face instead, although there was something in his eyes, a flash of surprise, an indication that he was flattered that she should feel that way about him, but not one iota of encouragement or a glimmer of hope that in time he might feel something for her in return, and she was suddenly very grateful to him.

All it would take for her to lose her head completely over this adorable and exasperating man was just the tiniest hint that he wasn't completely against the notion of something romantic happening between them.

"I'm sorry," he spoke at last, his voice low, like a dry leaf rustling in the wind.

"Don't be. I'm a big gal. I'll get over it, but it was nice, for a while, to feel that way again and for just a second, to think that there might be a chance that someone might be interested in me too. I was beginning to think that those days were behind me. Thank you for that."

"Does that mean you won't be taking Dominic up on his offer?" Hawke asked now with a genuine note of regret in his voice, regret that perhaps his behaviour had spoiled Toni's dream and Dominic's plans for the future of Santini Air.

"Do you really think he was serious?" she quirked an eyebrow at him now. "Oh I'm sure when he made the offer he was, but I'm equally as sure when he wakes up in the morning he's going to regret it. Santini Air ain't big enough for the three of us, as they saying goes, and in the end he'll just wind up resenting me for keeping you away. He likes things pretty much the way they are too, Hawke, the status quo, and it works. You guys are great, and it's been fun, but I guess it's time for me to head off into the sunset."

"Will you take up Michael's offer?"

"I'm thinking about it. It has the scope for more opportunities later, but I really need to think about it a little more. I'm sure it's way more dangerous and more complicated than he made out, and I was kind of hoping to keep my life complication free from now on. I still need to finish my novel. Who knows, it might wind up being a best seller and I could find myself calling upon the services of Santini Air to fly me to book signings all over California!"

"What's this novel about?" Hawke asked with genuine curiosity now, noting the sparkle of excitement in her eyes when she spoke about it.

"Wouldn't you like to know!"

"Just so long as I'm not in it," he drawled sarcastically, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he saw the wicked grin on her face now. "Toni?"

"You'll have to read it to find out," she wagged her finger teasingly at him. "And that means you're gonna have to buy it, if it ever gets published that is."

"Then I guess you're guaranteed at least one sale," he drawled, emitting a long, deep, shoulder raising sigh, dreading the thought of finding himself on the pages of some steamy romantic novel, yet curious to know how she would portray him.

"How about a night cap before Dom takes you back to the Turner ranch?" he offered, realizing that it was getting even colder as he watched the wind tugging at her hair now.

"Sure thing. Something to drive away the chill."

"You know, Toni, I never said I didn't like you," Hawke reached out now to slip his arm protectively around her waist, drawing her close to offer her some warmth and protection from the wind which was starting to pick up a little now. "And I'm real sorry if I gave you that impression."

"You had your mind on other things, and I guess, that's one very important lady, one I'll never be able to compete with," Toni looked up into his eyes again and again felt the thrill of her heart skipping a beat in her chest.

"And I know I'm probably putting my life in danger here, but I gotta say this, Hawke. You're a really nice man, and you're wasted sitting up here with just Dom and your dog for company. There's a whole world out there and so much that you could do in it, and you have a lot to offer the right girl when she comes along. I know you've made your choice, and that right now, this is what you want, all I'm saying is that some day, when the time is right, you can change your mind about that choice. Life is never a closed book, Hawke, I guess you know that, we write new chapters every day. Don't ever think that you don't have any other choice, ok?"

"Ok," he replied on a long, deep sigh, knowing deep down in his heart that she was right, but still unsure if he would ever reach the point where he would be ready to chose to live his life any differently, or if he was so used to living this way, he could never change.

"Good, now how about some hot chocolate to go with that night cap? I'm freezing!"

"Now, about this novel ...."


End file.
